Paul Koplos (sonny)

(1952 - 1984)

     To my  much loved uncle..............We all miss you and will see you soon!.... please watch over me and help me with my problems......... 

You told me not to hide
behind my wall so thick.
you said it was too high-
my protective wall of brick

you followed the sound
of my cries at night;
tried to tear it down
so we could take flight.

but it was too high
and too solid to break,
so I could only cry-
there was so much at stake.

so you told me to try
and jump from my wall,
and if I did not fly
you would break my fall.

so as I stood on the high ledge,
ready to jump into the air,
yet as I looked over the edge,
you were no longer standing there.

 
Why I'm fine nothings wrong
what would make you think other?
don't I smile, don't I laugh
aren't I the same as you remember

yes something's wrong
get out of my way
just watch your step
or I'll make you pay

then I lock the door
and I'm alone again
I put may masks away
only you see who i am

I'm sad and I'm lonely
I'm scared and I'm crying
I'm empty and needy
no one sees how I'm lying

my masks don't hide me
when I look in the mirror
I know my torment
I know my terror

I show you my face
I trust only you
they just don't understand
all the shit I've been through

the world was my oyster
but that's all gone away
all I have is this lump
when he makes you turn away

so I smile and I laugh
I put on a show for them
my mask will protect me
from trusting again

I rage and I storm
and i drive them away
that'll teach them to pry
that'll keep them at bay

No one can see me
or my cowering, or fear
no one sees through my mask
they can't see my tears

an empty shell is all that I am
an overdressed corpse displayed in the parlor
only you get to see
what I see in the mirror

WILL YOU?

Will you cry for me when I die?
Will you come to my funeral?
Will you sprinkle rose petals all over my grave?
Will you be hurt so much?
Will you blame yourself for this mess?
Will you think that you could've talked me out of this?
Will you forgive me for taking my life away?
Will you pray to God for me?
Will you ask Him to forgive me?
Will you?


Journeys of the heart
Author: For  "Sonny" love  cupcake (elaine)
If your heart was on a journey
and could remember where it's been;
could tell you when to stay away;
could tell you where to go again.

And if you mapped your golden journey
and your heart the map was of,
you would find the fondest places
to be the places filled with love.

Yet the best of all those places,
if your heart could speak its mind,
would be a place sometimes forgotten
but still an easy one to find.

For if your map could be completed,
your full existence in its span,
that special place you then would see
would be the place you first began.

Oh, if your heart could find the words
to give account of where it's trod
it would long to be returned
into the loving arms of God.